Wow . . . you bring up some very thought-provoking issues! And you also brought back a memory of an old man who lived in our neighborhood . . . I'm not sure if he was a pedophile or not (I never had anything definitive happen, nor did I hear stories), but all the kids used to go to his house to play or visit. If he was a pedophile, it was well hidden (or maybe he liked boys, who knows) I do know that he once tried to hug my mother, but she wasn't a child at the time (well, almost -- she was in her mid 20s).

I think there is a lot of fear of false accusations, and of prejudice. As in "you can't think Mr So and So is evil just because he looks different, or is single, etc." Perhaps people are so afraid of being perceived as acting correctly that they forget to listen to that little voice inside them that is screaming "Danger!" I know that there have been situations when I have not been comfortable having my kids be with certain people, although I wouldn't be able to explain why. I think kids listen to that voice, but its often suppressed as adults.

I believe the answer to your question "if I had a child.." (would it be different)is, YES it would be different. When I was in grade school ('70s), my parents were very cautionary about "strangers" but never about people we knew! I had to hug and sit on laps of people who just gave me the willies....some for good reason. When I tried to verbalize my fear...i was told that it would be rude to not hug Uncle Bob, etc if he wanted to hug me or have me sit in his lap. As a parent, if my kids don't want to be around someone or let someone touch them, I don't make them! I do not believe that it's "only strangers" that mess with little kids, I know better....and obviously, so do you. Thanks for making me think.

Which is, of course, the same dynamic at work when girls and women are led to believe that the biggest threat to our safety is a random man in the bushes, rather than our partners, fathers, uncles, etc.

It really does seem like, as we get older, we forget how savvy we were as kids, as though we discount our own lived experience in favour of a wider cultural construction of Innocent Childhood. Or perhaps we really really want to believe that life is innocent for our kids. I have no idea what the answers are, but your questions are good.

And the Pop Shoppe! That's what we had in the town where I grew up!

"We lived in a very small town and knew everyone; it should have been safe" >> My reaction to this was the same as Alison's, that is: repeated and well-publicized findings show that most violence is perpetrated by people we know, trust, and even love. Hey, if you watch Law & Order you know that it's usually the spouse ... And yet. We still think of known as safe and unknown as unsafe. I suppose we have to trust people, or some people anyway, using whatever inadequate human intuition we have.

I had an unforgettable experience in Grade 6 with my teacher. He had left the room and while he was away all the kids started getting rowdy and throwing chalk around...having a good time. I decided rather than getting into trouble, to read a book. I got into this stupid book I was reading and noticing that everything had gotten pretty quiet, I looked up to see everyone staring at me..including the teacher. I blushed and dropped the book. The teacher (male) said by all means go back to your reading..he made me stay in for recess while he had a talk with me..and I had to sit real close to him while he held my chin in his hand..finally I could leave..went home..told my mum what had happened. She didn't do anything..it wasn't mentioned again. I felt so let down..and for doing the right thing instead of the wrong thing (heaving chalk around).

When I had my son..I vowed this wouldn't happen to him..I told him if anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable..tell me..let me know. Over the years he's told me so many things that have happened. He knows I'll stand behind him..and not ignore it. I knew his grade 7 teacher was gay..but so what..long as he didn't make advances on my kid..but I was watching, and my son knew that I was behind him which I think made him braver and self-confident. Just to know an adult is on your side and will listen helps and makes the child feel stronger knowing that if anything ever does happen..it won't be swept under the rug and that I'll believe him..no matter what.

These are good questions, and you've got me thinking about the small town I grew up in. I think that kids are closer to their instincts than many older people are. Plenty of us have been taught to ignore intuition (which I think is a bigger problem with the widespread encouragement that "science" is the end of any discussion, and that "scientific" investigation should be followed at all costs), and have "unlearned" how to attend to it.
And there's the thinking in small communities that an *unfounded* accusation would disturb the entire network of people. But who decides? I was a kid in a similar time with similar rules - you had to hug who your parents told you to, and were in trouble if you didn't do what they said. You were supposed to listen to adults and obey them. People weren't encouraged to talk about topics like paedophilia, or even about strange feelings or situations, so how could anyone guage that what might be real for them could also be real for anybody else? I think we've come pretty far to a place where parents at least listen to their kids and let *them* decide who they feel okay about hugging or being with.
On a lighter note, though - what I really wanted to write was that we had "Happy Pop" instead of (or maybe in addition to?) Pop Shoppe pop in our town, and you've got me missing their black cherry flavour. mmm. Pure sugar. In locally recycled bottles. What has happened to our culture?

Hey Jodi, I have been out of town and I am playing catch-up with all the blogs. I thought this entry was great-as a mom of two small children (a 6 year old girl and 3 year old boy), this is something on my mind all the time. I have known many perverts in my time-from teachers to family. Wearing a size B cup bra in fifth grade did not help things. But I was lucky-my parent's "pedophile radar" was always up. If one of us kids felt uncomfortable about someone, my parents were there-believing us and trusting us. I think children do have the common ability to know who to stay away from, but as we get older a lot of adults start to ignore that feeling. And they certainly do not want to believe it can happen in their town, to their children. I think that the greatest disservice a parent can do for their child is not believe them. When I read in the news that some sick fuck has molested a child, and that it was a close friend of the family, I think to myself "how in the hell?". Sometimes the child even told an adult it was happening and they ignored what the child said. So many time adults do not trust their instincts, and brush aside what kids say. As my kids get older, my memories of childhood seem to get furthur away. There is such a struggle for balance-empathy for my kids yet giving them the discipline and guidance they need. I would rather offend someone then leave my child in harm's way. There are some parts of childhood that one should never let go of.