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May 31, 2005
Local girl makes it big
Every day last week someone kept coming here by searching google for various phrases having to do with Agnetha's hot ass. I'm sorry to inform you that there are no hot-assed pop superstars here; however there is one very hot supermodel whose name used to be Agnetha until she got all high falutin' and changed it to Pandora, probably on the advice of her agent. This little girlie was born in my bed and is the sister of Benny, better known to you as Fat girl (two guesses what Benny and Agnetha's brother and sister are called). Like all proper superstars Agnetha/Pandora has a somewhat chequered past, and at times we questioned her mental health, especially when she would meticulously arrange dead mice and birds on the sidewalk with frighteningly perfect symmetry. Turns out she just had a natural flair for decorating, and look! She even has her own magazine, just like Oprah.*
We're leaving tomorrow to drive down to Athens to meet with some people at the university and find me a place to live. I'm really looking forward to the drive down, because we're going to go through Smoky Mountains National Park again, which means going through Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. I freaking loved (hated) this place so much the first time we were there; it's got to be the tackiest place on earth. It's miles and miles of crazy tourist traps all crammed up against each other, every crappy country singer has a restaurant (the Alabama Grill is right next to the Louise Mandrell Dinner Theatre, what an excruciating choice!). The strangest thing about this place is that if you turn off the main highway like we did, all of a sudden you're in some sleepy little dickwater, tiny falling-down churches and houses and a horse in the backyard grazing right under the laundry line, then turn back onto the highway and it's Mine Your Own Gemstones! Muscle Car Museum! Real Bears! Live Bears! See Them Touch Them Torment Them! The awfulness defies words. Luckily we'll have a digital camera this time, so words won't be necessary. Do you think I can convince Peter to get off the main highway and do a drive-by so I can at least see Dollywood this time? Hah! Not on your life. Last time I had to be content with taking a photo through the windshield of the sign that said "Dollywood that way".
And guess what else? Thursday night we'll be crashing at Hockey Mom's place! I'm so excited, she'll be the first blog friend I've ever met for real. Finally I'll find out if all these internet people really exist. My co-worker last night was totally weirded out about me staying at the house of a "stranger" I met on the internet. If I'm not back by Monday, better check Hockey Mom's freezer.
*thanks Rob.
Posted by jodi at May 31, 2005 05:21 PM | categories: dumbass
Comments
Have a great trip and I hope you find somewhere great to live!
Anna
Posted by: Anna at May 31, 2005 06:38 PM
Wait a minute! How did you know I have a big freezer?
See ya'll Thursday.
Posted by: Sandy at May 31, 2005 08:34 PM
Wah! I'll miss you!
Smokey Mountain National Park sure is something; ghod, it would be worth ressurecting my dead LiveJournal just to share the post about that trip with you. LOL.
"Hey, if you hurry, you might see some of them Indians!"
Whoa. I'm still scarred.
Posted by: Merouda at May 31, 2005 08:58 PM
I'm looking forward to the special issue on the Midnight Crazies.
Have fun in Georgia!
Posted by: sarah irene at June 1, 2005 12:00 AM
aaaaaaak! What a scream!* Have a great trip--it sounds hilarious.
*I finally met someone who really does scream when she's excited and happy. She's three, but that's beside the point.
Posted by: Lori-Ann at June 1, 2005 12:11 AM
Safe trip!
Posted by: Brenda in Toronto at June 1, 2005 01:33 PM
Have fun driving ... sounds like a great trip. And may it result in finding somewhere wonderful to live.
Let me know when you're back, if you have time to make the Monday night Royal Oak Stitch'n'Bitch - the offer of a ride is still very much open. Then you can meet crazy person from the internet number 2.
Kirsti
Posted by: Kirsti at June 1, 2005 03:40 PM
Every time Hubster and I drive to Iowa to see his family, I threaten to make him stop at the Precious Moments Chapel in Carthage, Missouri. Not that I have any interest whatsoever in Precious Moments, but it's something I feel an odd compulsion to do.
Posted by: Liz at June 1, 2005 08:10 PM
Small world. I just found out that I will be moving to Athens at some point soon too. Hope the housing situation down there is good!
Posted by: Jillian at June 2, 2005 01:55 PM
Please bill me for a one year subscription to Pandora Living. Meow.
(Alison says good luck in Athens!)
Posted by: beatrix at June 3, 2005 07:44 AM
i love the pandora living cover. its not a cat its a lifestyle. have a fun, and safe journey and hurry back!
Posted by: anna at June 3, 2005 10:47 AM
My husband and I drove all the way to New Jersey to spend a week with "strangers" from the internet. We'd known them for a couple of years online, and then decided it was time to visit. Now we travel there a lot. This summer they're coming to see us.
Last year another internet friend spent a few days with us...a woman from Holland. It was really great. I love strangers from the internet!
Posted by: Maggie at June 3, 2005 02:40 PM