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June 23, 2005

I probably think this song is about me (don't I?)

When I'm a dried-up old woman, I am NOT going to be the lonely lady down the block with the 200 cats and dogs, sobbing pathetically while trying to protect my giant silver dildo from the glare of the news cameras. Rather, I expect I'll be more like the crass old skank that Flea described today, brandishing my silver dildo with pride and regaling everyone with detailed descriptions of all the deeply dirty things I used to do back in the day, when I was in my thirties and leaving that stuff out of the weblog because I considered this a family website (what? you don't think this a family website? just because your kids came here and had to read about my beaver? well, fuck you!).

Boys and girls, it's time to discuss my hair. Because we all know that there is nothing in the world more self-absorbed than writing about your hairstyle on the internet and expecting people to care (and I'm nothing if not self-absorbed). As you may recall, I'm growing my hair out from short right now, and it's just starting to get into the really, really ugly stage (which, if I remember correctly from the last time I grew my hair out, lasts at least a year. That's my best excuse for how I looked in 1987). Here's what it looks like today.

vanity.jpg

Now, before you go saying it's not all that bad yet, you should know that it takes a huge handful of gloppy product to keep it this tame and normal-looking. I've also taken to hiding it under kerchiefs, which looks pretty cute until bedtime when I take the kerchief off and all the hair is flattened. I think this is hilarious beyond belief, but Peter seems to have become tired of my hair's comedic value already--the other night when I was eyeing him meaningfully while preparing to whip the kerchief off with a flourish, he kind of got mad and said it wasn't funny. He was equally unimpressed a few nights earlier when I stood in front of the bathroom mirror for about ten minutes laughing at myself and saying, "you poor thing! you have to have SEX with me with this hair! better keep your eyes shut!" (have I mentioned I'm 33 going on twelve? act immature and you'll stay young forever, it's working for me so far).

So. The plan is to grow it out past my shoulders and then dye the front part blue again, like it used to be a couple of years ago:

blue_haired_lady.jpg

I need some advice. Now that my hair's getting almost long enough that I will be able to stick objects in it and have them stay, but too long to force it to look decent, should I dye it, just to keep myself from getting bored with the ugliness and buzzing it off? I was thinking of using a permanent dye, not like the blue. Maybe a deep red, or copper? Or is this going to make me look like I should be putting on a yellow clown suit and shilling for some hamburger chain? I was thinking of something like one of these

red_1.jpg red_2.jpg red_3.jpg

What do you guys think? Will it just look worse later when the hair is still in the ugly-growing-out stage but now has four inch red ends? Will I be sorry when I try to bleach out the front later to add blue? These are burning questions, and I need answers.

Bonus! Here's a story:
See how in the first photo my lips are parted on one side and closed on the other? See how they're kind of. . . uneven? I don't know if I was born with wobbly lips but I have a theory about why they are like that. I think it has something to do with the time, oh, around 1973, when I was watching my dad work under the hood of his Volkswagen Beetle and I thought the foamy stuff built up on the outside of the car battery was yummy frosting, so I tasted it. I don't really remember this happening, but my cousin Chris told me that I scooped up a big fingerful of the stuff and raised it to my lips and started whining, and that the acid was on my lip for a little while because my dad just said "be quiet" without looking up. Because I was kind of a loudmouth kid (shocking, I know), and so he was used to it. I'm not sure if this is a real memory or something I made up later but in my mind I can see the battery with a perfectly piped-on baby blue frosting all around the top edge, like a lovely birthday cake. Mmm.

Posted by jodi at June 23, 2005 03:24 PM | categories:  self-absorbtion

Comments

Sugar, your hair as it it now, at least in this picture, looks faboo. Just fabooooooooooo. And no, I'm not teasing you, it frikken looks faboooooooo, but I also love saying things look faboooooooooo. MMmm.

Faboolicious!

If it's costing you a fortune in hair product, I'm sorry, but the Fab Five would certainly commend you for making the choice to look Faboo instead of like a Kerchief Gurl.

Posted by: merouda at June 23, 2005 04:43 PM

You have a very nice mouth -- not wobbly at all. This is not spam/porn either. Is it weird that I really like your current look? The blue hair is cool, but... Oh, don't listen to me!

Posted by: Gina at June 23, 2005 06:01 PM

How about bleaching and a semiperm colour? Or what about trying a semiperm over your regular unbleached hair, like Special Effects Burgundy Wine (that one shows up nicely over my auburn hair, it might come out over yours). I am thinking that bleaching it to dye and then bleaching the dyed bits to redye might not be all that healthy.

Posted by: Rebecca at June 23, 2005 06:44 PM

In my experience, you're better off picking either the blue streak or the red all over. It's a bitch to maintain both and the stripe still looks cool even with roots but the red with roots, not so much after a while. And, if you go for it anyway, I vote for either the middle or the left with the left being my top choice. The right is too orange and with blue you'd look like a Mets fan.

I love today's One Good Thing. Flea always cracks me up.

Posted by: Liz at June 23, 2005 08:01 PM

I've done the red all over thing and it is a complete bitch when you're growing it out. But, hey, you can just dye it back to something resembling your natural colour before you put the blue streak in. I say go the red.

Posted by: Ginchy at June 24, 2005 04:42 AM

I've done the all red thing before. I loved it. It's the happiest hair color there is. The only draw back is when it fades, and it will, it fades to orangey brown.
You could even just have your streak dyed red instead and it would look awesome.

Posted by: Melissa at June 24, 2005 08:08 AM

I'm all about the Red All Over.

I've had more hairstyles than some people have had hot meals, and that's the one colour I've never been bold enough to try. I say goforit.

Posted by: NWJR at June 24, 2005 11:57 AM

Hair not dyed is hair watsed.

Posted by: Tina at June 24, 2005 12:39 PM

I love that you use yarn samples for color.

Hair is only hair and will always grow back. Until you're in your mid-forties, approaching menopause, and it begins to thin...but enough about me...

Yes, dye it the middle shade of red. The first is too red, the third is too orange. I love curly hair. My oldest has long wavy red hair. No, I don't have a clue who her father way, but it sure as hell didn't come from me.

Posted by: Snowball at June 24, 2005 04:05 PM

i can tell you absolutely it WILL be a bitch to bleach before you want go blue. and green hair, we all want to avoid. i'm sorry, thats just the way it is.

Posted by: anna at June 24, 2005 05:32 PM

I swear that I would streak around the block (okay, very late at night so no one would see) if I could have curly hair like yours.

Posted by: Becky at June 25, 2005 01:35 PM

Okay, I like the hair now too, I have to say. But my vote would probably be for the red too- I like the left one.

Posted by: Carrie at June 25, 2005 05:48 PM

mmmmm. all very interesting. blue hair though? I say if you done it once then that is enough.

Posted by: kathreen at June 26, 2005 03:40 AM

Okay, I think if you want any sympathy on the hair front, you have to post a less ravishing photo of yourself. Myself, I'm at the same hair-growth phase, but may hair is straight, so I just look like my face is hiding in a little cave. Not so hot. My strategy for getting through this year of ugly... "Hair? What hair?" Personally, every time I start dyeing it to get through the aggravating phase, I also end up cutting it a bit here and a bit there, and that leads to the buzz. But those colours you posted? Delicious. they make me covetous. Curse you, Temptress!

Posted by: Mandy at June 26, 2005 07:59 PM

Eeh, just wear a hat, strategically dipped below one eye.

Posted by: sarah irene at June 26, 2005 10:35 PM

at first glance at this post i thought - i had no idea how hot jodi is! so i'm with all those who are rootin fer you to keep yer hair just as it is. if you're definitely growin it, try using my latest technique fer keepin hair out the way - twist it agaist yer head and jam the pieces into place with bobby pins - not all pretty and uniform-like, but random and a little bit scrappy-like. turns out bobby pins aren't all that uncomfortable to sleep with (if you position em right) though you'll look a fright when you wake in the morning.
in regards to dying - i say colour random streaks all over yer head - more than one colour and every few months or so. the roots'll be staggered and not necessarily all that noticeable.

Posted by: jae at June 26, 2005 11:21 PM

have you tried henna before? i can't get a good read of how dark your hair actually is from the pictures but if you get one of the fire red hennas it would probably give you a good deep auburn/copper look.

Posted by: danielle at June 26, 2005 11:54 PM

hmmm... I love the blue haired look. Do it now before it's accidental and all the yunguns are laughing (does anyone besides me get my jokes?). As for the nifty yarn samples, I'm a fan of the red myself. Not a fan of growing hair out though, I feel your pain, hot and searing. I've tried for years but always end up, well, shaved and bleached.

Posted by: jacey at June 27, 2005 08:38 AM

Dye it red. Red fades. Fast. When it's long enough for you to care about roots even with perm haircolor, the red will be faded out.

anything to make you feel better during the growing stage. I was just thinking about growing mine out, but I can't bear to deal with 1 year of pooheadness.

Posted by: lunastrixae at June 27, 2005 11:54 PM

About the henna thing: it can react weirdly with other colours and treatments, so I don't recommend it for a temporary solution. If you want to keep it red though, henna is lovely. I've dyed my hair with henna while growing it from short to waist-length and it's in excellent condition. I have to join the crowd and say you look way better in the pictures now than in the one with the blue hair. I think the darkest blackish red would be lovely on you.

Posted by: monika at June 28, 2005 06:30 AM

just a comment on your wobbly lips -

i used to have a similar problem, they met on the left but had a bad habit of slipping open on the right, leaving my bad, crooked, gappy teeth to show right through in pics, making my look a bit...well...hag-ish (not to be mistaken for Haggis, i am not a stuffed sheep's stomach! *mantra*).
i also have this interesting vertical white scar RIGHT WHERE THE GAP WAS. i'm convinced something happened to me as a child which caused the gap in my lip to occur, although likely not similar to your battery-acid birthday cake (now i have the urge to send you a cake with fluffy buttercream and merengue frosting on, in the shape of a battery complete with bakers icing positive and negative terminals drawn on!)

however, i am finishing up my braces which completely re-shapped my upper jaw, solving a horrendous overbite problem, and the gap went away. in my lips as well as teeth woot woot.

so...the gap in your lip may be from the shape of your jaw, and not from battery acid, but it's still possible it is from the battery acid! what a creepy kid accident story! what did it taste like? XD

Posted by: amber at July 13, 2005 10:51 AM