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July 11, 2005
Disregard my nervousness (please, ignore my vacant stare)
I've been in a profound funk the last little while; I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to do anything productive, and just generally feeling sorry for myself. Little things upset me more than they should, and it's as if every day is the Thursday before my period, when I'm liable to either freak out and maim somebody or cry over nothing.
I haven't really talked about this too much here, but when I go away to Athens for school in August, Peter is not going with me. We're going to be living in different countries, umpteen-however-many thousand miles apart, for the next three years. Of course I'll have lots of time off, and we'll be able to visit fairly often, but, still. The next five weeks before I go loom darkly.
So. I cannot bring myself to do any of the things I need to do that are connected with my going away. Like packing. Like putting everything I'm not taking with me into some kind of order so that Pete doesn't have to live in a pile of my crap. Like, making art. I have plenty of work I could be doing, but I can't force myself to touch it. Even though I feel a pang of longing when I walk past cellulose sponges in the grocery store (they're an essential tool for lithography, and since I graduated I haven't been able to do any printing), the wood for the woodcuts I wanted to start still sits upstairs, untouched. If it's something I'm taking away with me, I don't even want to look at it.
I haven't really felt like posting here either, mainly because I knew I would just whine about my plight. Like I just did. There are lots of other things I want to write about, but, you know. That motivation thing. Maybe tomorrow; for now here are some pictures of some of the things I've been doing to while away the time.
Bonus sexy armpit shot! Rrrrowwwr.
I'd been plugging away on this Tivoli and stopped to try it on. Whoa! Off the needles she went, postehaste. I'm using a heavy recycled cotton yarn, and had to rejig the pattern to fit my gauge. The resulting top is too loose and too thick, a big no-no on a short chubby torso like mine. It's not the pattern's fault, I love this pattern and intend to make at least three. But this isn't the right yarn for it. This yarn will have a much better and more attractive life as Stefanie's lace tube skirt from SnB Nation:
Evening Diamonds is finished and enjoyed her first night out on Saturday. Here's an arty wanker-type picture.
For anyone who's counting, this would be the 5.5th time I've knitted a top out of this yarn. It's a mystery cotton with a rayon slub, bought at the Hudson's Bay Company way back in the long ago time when they still had a yarn section. I made the same cabled racerback tank three times before figuring out that no matter how many times I reknit it, it still wasn't going to fit or look good. It then spent many dark years in a box before being dyed blue and unravelled last summer, and knit into a too-big Evening Diamonds halter. So I unravelled it one last time and knit it on a smaller needle, but when I was almost done the neck decreases I ran out of yarn. After tearing my house apart and flinging obscenities at an innocent man and a few cats, I unravelled the top half and changed the pattern enough to get a finished top out of the amount of yarn I had.
The yarn has a tendency to stretch out and lose its shape, which is the cause of at least half of my previous problems with it. If it stretches out too big again, I'm just going to put grommets up the back and lace it tight. Either that or have a ritual burning.
Here's a closeup of the beaded trim:
After the top was finished and the crochet trim on, I found this in my gym bag:
A very kind lady from Freecycle gave me an old Spirograph set from the seventies, and I made some more shrink plastic stuff:
bobby pins,
and these little pieces to make into bracelets. I am addicted to watching the things shrink, and the only thing keeping me from running up a huge hydro bill using the oven all day is the fact that we're having a heat wave.
Peter is working on a new and improved version of my website, and unlike when they changed the recipe for your favourite breakfast cereal and raised the price at the same time, my new site is actually going to be better than the old one. We're hoping to be able to launch it by the end of the week, with an online shop going up soon after. Soon!
[To those of you waiting for t-shirts, I haven't forgotten or just slacked off; I've decided to wait until I've moved to order shirts. I am working on some designs though, and will post them as soon as they're ready.]
Claudia sent me this gorgeous skein of handspun cashmere:
My new pet. I can't stop stroking it. Thanks, Claudia!
The Sexie halter is this close (imagine fingers held soooo close, almost together) to being finished, but I still need to get some contrasting ribbon for the edging and lacing. It's been sitting on a stitch holder for three weeks, just waiting. Camocleo is similarly pining away, waiting for two measly seams and some i-cord. Motivation. Problem.
The OSW, however, is a quick little breeze to finish, so I did.
It is a wonder, all right. It's like a little boob lift, without the cutting.
So. After identifying my problem, do you think I made any steps to overcome it? Did I pack a box of stuff, or start my woodcut?
No way, baby. I went to Franco and Jelena's place and showed them how to pickle garlic. Isn't it pretty?
In the interest of getting me moving on the cleaning up my crap and putting it in boxes front, we've invited people to a going-away party for me on the 23rd of July. If you didn't get an invitation and want to come, send me an e-mail, and as long as you're not a creepy stalker I'll give you our address. The more people show up, the more crap I have to clean out of the way. There won't be any pickled garlic there, since it needs to sit for six weeks. But you'll forget all about that when you taste my amazing chutney, I promise.
Posted by jodi at July 11, 2005 06:30 PM | categories: projects : self-absorbtion : sticks and string
Comments
Love the Femmes reference!
Posted by: Jennifer at July 11, 2005 06:46 PM
Good luck with the funk, it will get easier. The LD thing is annoying, but you can make it tolerable. Besides, won't you be busy with school?
The Shrinky-Dink things are so cool, I really like those skull barrettes. I think I am going to have to track me down that shrink plastic stuff, I haven't played with it since the 70's, or was that 80's?
Posted by: Rebecca at July 11, 2005 09:57 PM
Cashmere makes a great pet. Soft as Igor, but no litter box.
Posted by: claudia at July 11, 2005 10:14 PM
You're bringing that pickled garlic to Pennsic yes? YUM!
Posted by: Ghita at July 11, 2005 11:59 PM
being away from the loved one... that's tough. thank god for knitting!
I must try the shrinky dinks! MUST! I haven't done that in a bajillion years!
Posted by: korin at July 12, 2005 03:13 AM
well no wonder you've been feeling gloomy, poor thing. very restrained of you not to put it all on your blog - it's a constant battle against utter self-obsession, i find. the OSW looks fabulous.
Posted by: anna at July 12, 2005 04:59 AM
I'm sorry you're feeling down, it's totally understandable but still sucks....
Thing is, being away means you don't have to worry how long you're engrosed in your work and when you're with Peter you can be WITH Peter (like you should be doing now, don't waste these weeks worrying about when you're not with him, be with him now!) and when you're being arty you're doing your thing with no 'shit I should be going home soon' feeling. Anyway, I'm here if you want to email away the crappy feeling, fire away.
Babe, your shrinking art ROCKS! You better be selling those bobby pins and jewellery, I am leaving cash in my Paypal account all ready for your to cool up my accessories! :o)
Big hugs (I've not forgotten your scan, I have to remove the knitting from on top of the scanner and then I will try and tackle the technology, promise!).
Anna
Posted by: Anna at July 12, 2005 05:52 AM
Hey Jodi,
I hope that you and Peter are able to find solace and enjoy the times that you do have together--that must be a very hard step to make, and I admire you for doing it--following your dream and going to school in another country...
Your knits look great--I am especially fond of the diamond tank--very nice.
Take care.
Posted by: Lolly at July 12, 2005 07:10 AM
I think there is some sort of universal funkiness cloud hanging in the atmosphere, because I'm feeling it (or not, as the case may be) too. I hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: Gina at July 12, 2005 08:55 AM
i too am addicted to shrinky dinkness.
do you just use colored pencils? I need to whip up some things for a spur of the moment craft fair, and heard you can use sharpies. any advice?
Posted by: uglyagnes at July 12, 2005 10:10 AM
Dont worry about the long distance it will be hard at first but you will find a way to make it work.
I love all your designs and artwork!
I cant wait to go out and buy shrinky plastci to play with I did it a few years a go and havent done it since!
Posted by: Dana at July 12, 2005 12:16 PM
Nice Femmes quote.
It sucks when you get that agita over moving. It's the whole "hurry up and wait" element that always drives me crazy.
Posted by: Liz at July 13, 2005 11:57 AM