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October 14, 2005
"Forced to wear soft angora sweaters"
I see from the search stats that Glen (or Glenda) has been to my website again, the perv.
You guys are in TROUBLE
I love my internet friends, and I think you guys are usually pretty good at looking out for me. So how come, when I was caught up in the huge life decision of choosing a graduate school, not a single one of you thought to warn me that I was considering moving to a state where vibrators are illegal? Come on, people. This is important information, and y'all held out on me. Didn't you know I'd be too scared to bring one across the border, lest our car get searched? Especially after that time they grilled me about the "craft products", and I thought they meant I was trying to smuggle Kraft products into the U.S. (they just meant my knitting). I think maybe somebody needs to atone for this gross oversight by sending me one in the mail (in an unmarked package, please, I don't want to lose my student visa and get deported). I'm kind of partial to the ones that have a really realistic shape but are a crazy colour. Oh, and while you're at it, send one to Snowball too, because I see she also lives in a backward, uncivilized state that bans vibrators. I just have to say one more time, what is wrong with these people?
For those of you who still think this blog is about knitting
Here are the superexciting knitting pictures I promised; sorry about the quality, but my shack is surrounded by trees and english ivy. Not a lot of light gets in.
Here's the body of the cardigan I started the night I stayed over at Sandy and Bob's. The red is merino, the brown (it's brown! not black, although I was going to do black until Sandy very wisely reminded me that my sweater would be "way too UGA". Good call, Sandy) is lambswool. Both are recycled from secondhand sweaters.
Because I was gullible enough to believe a filthy, lying gauge swatch, I now have to block this bad girl to within an inch of her yarny life in order to make her stretch around my chub (my chub is new, improved and bigger than ever since coming to Athens; what the hell am I climbing up and down all these damned hills for every day if it's just making me MORE CHUBBY?). Sheesh. Anyway, the sleeves will have the stripey switch to brown at the same height as in the body, and then I'll pick up the neck stitches for a (brown) hood. I decided to use the brown because I didn't think I'd have enough red for a hooded sweater, and then while I was getting ready to move I found a motherload of the red. Ah well, matching scarf I guess.
Here's all I've done on the first sleeve of Arisaig. See, Anna? I am way behind you. I'm not quite as far behind as I look, though, because I'm doing 3/4 sleeves instead of the long ones the pattern calls for. I love sleeves that come down past my wrist, but the sleeves on this sweater are so narrow that I know they will interfere with my bracelets (which I never take off) and make me mental. So I started the increases right after the garter stitch edge, and will just hold it up against my arm to decide when to start the armscye decreases.
The yarn is (say it with me, kids) recycled, 100% cotton with two strands of different pale olive greens. I haven't decided what colour to use for the contrast edging yet, but was thinking maybe orange, tan or brown. Or if I cop out and use something from stash, it'll likely be black.
No pics yet of Sgt. Pepper, because I'm embarrassed at how little I've done for something that knits up so fast. It's just that, well, did I mention that the yarn turns my hands black? I think I'm going to have to knit up all the body pieces and then wash them with the sleeve yarn before I knit the sleeves, because I'm afraid to put white yarn anywhere near this stuff in case it leaks black dye all over the white cuffs the first time I wash it.
Super extra bonus feature: Norma's terrible secret revealed*
From this week's search query stats: "pictures of the legs of Norma's legs". Um, Norma's legs have LEGS on them? Big legs, or little ones? Do they stick out, do they show in trousers? How does she fit them all under her little court reporter desk?
I guess now we know why we only see pictures of Norma from the waist up. Norma, I'm so sorry. But I still think you're totally cute, despite the extra legs.
*I figure, if Snowball's going to kill me, Norma'd might as well kill me too.
Posted by jodi at October 14, 2005 12:38 PM | categories: dumbass : sticks and string
Comments
Sorry about the vibrator thing. The close proximity of two branches of Good Vibrations sort of blinds me to the fact that not all of America is the most exciting bed of free lvie in all forms that the SF Bay is. Promise to do better next time.
Posted by: Rachel T at October 14, 2005 01:56 PM
WTF? I had no idea that vibrators were banned in this state. Holy crap. I'm in a lot of trouble! Hide me from the feds!
Posted by: Snowball at October 14, 2005 05:55 PM
Yikes! I didnt even know there was a place where vibes are illegal! Maybe in the south it's like the good ol' days and you're supposed to go to doctor to get "treated" with one LOL.
I dont (always) enjoy having to go to a "dirty bookstore"....I have to really be in the mood for that kind of environment...and I'm very lucky to live in the SF Bay Area where we have wonderful resources.
My studio is 2 blocks from GoodVibrations
(http://www.goodvibes.com/). Actually, now that I think about it, the local Stitch-N-Bitch meets at the cafe next door! LOL. SO! It would be my pleasure (well ok, your pleasure) to ship you something. Besides, it gives me an excuse to go shopping for me, too *grin* (as if I need an excuse for more toys, hehe), and maybe I'll get my knit on at the same time.
Posted by: bonnie at October 14, 2005 06:08 PM
I think if they are labeled as "massagers" its okay. *WinkWink
Posted by: Freedom Girl at October 15, 2005 01:14 AM
yeh, i'd wash the black first. you could knit the sleeves from the black portion up, and wash them too, and then pick up and knit down (or do a provisional cast on) for the white. the join is covered up with a cable anyway. arisaig looks gorgeous. so many things to knit...........
ps: great legs. i think you need to knit some lil hotpants.
Posted by: anna at October 15, 2005 09:18 AM
the cooperatively-owned come as you are ( http://comeasyouare.com - it's my former place of employment, actually) has a great (and discrete) mail order service. if you wanna order from san francisco instaed of toronto though (USD vs cdn, do you have a preference?) check out good vibrations.
you must be surrounded by a lot of uptight and frustrated people....
the knitting looks super - it's so nice to be back in sweater season.
Posted by: jae at October 15, 2005 11:40 AM
See...more proof that the South is just weird. If I'd known about the vibrator thing I swear I would have warned you. Is it too late to pack up and move north to NYC? You can wear your vibrator in your hair, if you'd like. Hang it from a chain and call it a necklace. Really, we won't mind. Plus we're wound really tight, for the most part, so shit tends to get done. And if you get nostalgic for the shack, you can always visit my scary basement.
Posted by: cari at October 15, 2005 12:28 PM
I wonder how the state would go about enforcing such a law? If they heard that someone was in the act of violating the law would they come to your house and arrest you? Would they let you finish? It is all very bizarre.
Posted by: melanie at October 20, 2005 10:05 AM