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November 30, 2005

Hump day special

Meet Alice.

Alice is part camel hair (I can't tell you exactly how much of Alice is camel and how much is wool because her tag was tragically lost in a hideous incident of violence involving the sewing scissors and the scratched-up skin on the back of my neck). I do remember that she is from Emanuel Ungaro, and she used to wear a nasty fake fur collar-and-cuffs set, which fortunately was only held on with snaps so it never actually made it out of the thrift store with Alice and me (I ripped them off in disgust and gave them to the lady in front of me in line, who wanted to put them on her jean jacket. That's right, people, I tore the sweater apart before I'd even paid for it).

Alice and me haven't gone out together in a while now, and while I still think she's very pretty and soft and I love to caress her, I just can't get over how frumpy she is, and how frumpy she makes me look (never mind that it might be me who is making Alice look frumpy. Shut up!). I just can't abide my belly in a button-up cardigan, and Alice, while she fit me very well, had a bit of the dreaded between-the-buttons gape going on.

Look at her nifty, nifty cables though. They sort of look like a long line of embracing spiders.

Don't they? Oh. Maybe it's just me then.

Anyway, dear readers, I think you'll all agree that poor Alice was in need of a drastic makeover if she was ever going to look good out on the town embracing my chub as she so clearly wants to. And I miss being cocooned in her soft camellyness. But not quite enough to put up with looking frumpy; it's such a thin line between sexy and frump for me as it is. So Alice and I got together and discussed it, and here is what she looks like today:

I know, I know, you're all on the edge of your seats. What's to become of the remains of Alice? I'm thinking maybe this.

(image shamelessly lifted from savannahchik Jody). Also from Jody I learned that there is a knitalong (en anglais!) for this sweater, and lo and behold they have done all the work of translating the pattern from the French. I'm reluctant to join a knitalong, since it doesn't really suit my carefully calculated outsider image to be too much of a joiner. Okay, I'm kidding. The truth is I just find knitalongs to be project killers (hello, Must Have Cardigan? I'll make you a deal, sweetie. Don't tell anyone that I just shoved you back into the yarn lockers with only half a sleeve left to go, right after taking a photo of your sole unfinished sleeve and promising the entire internet that I would finish you. And if you can keep your mouth shut I'll try to finish you up over the winter break. Deal?). So I thought I'd just help myself to the pattern and not join the knitalong. But that seems like shitty behaviour, and it's kind of nagging at me now. Do y'all think that's shitty? Yeah. Okay, I'll join. Right after I swatch and make sure that this is the perfect new look for Alice.

Wanna hear something cool? While Peter was here we went out and bought me a headset for the laptop, and tonight for the first time we talked using Skype! I am so excited about this. Because it's free, and it doesn't hurt my head like that stupid cordless phone that's always slipping off my shoulder if I try to take my hand away. Now I can talk and knit at the same time, or talk and work, or talk and, um, maybe play the dorky online game that someone got me addicted to. So. Is anyone else out there on Skype? I need another addictive online pastime like I need a hole in my jaw (woops, got one of those too!), so let's talk. As long as you're not a stalker, or one of those gross dudes who send me e-mails with slyly abusive sexual innuendo (you know who you are, creeps).

And, in case you needed further proof of my dorkiness (and the dorkiness of certain other people we know): Peter and I went out for supper with Carrieoke last week, and as we were walking to the restaurant we bumped into the High Energy Jenny family, on their way to the same restaurant. So it was one big noisy excitable knitter partay. But here's the dorky part. On the way out the door I had contemplated putting on my Clapotis and decided not to. Both Jenny and Carrie were wearing Clapotis (they were both a little unhappy with their Claps, so they swapped and now are both happily wearing them all around the town-o). AND. Not only were Carrie and Jenny both knitting the same socks, but they were the exact same socks whose pattern Peter had caught me gazing at with longing earlier in the afternoon. Gah. So I guess I am a joiner after all.

Posted by jodi at 09:25 PM | Comments (12) | categories:  sticks and string

November 29, 2005

Self portrait tuesday - having a gaping, fleshy swollen hole in my head has never felt so good

Until my mouth heals I can't eat anything I have to chew. So for breakfast, the leftovers of the soup that Peter made for me last night: tomatoes, vegetables and beans run through the blender. And an Astro yogurt that Peter brought me from home; a rare treat these days.

For lunch: a soy milk and banana shake, and applesauce. And for supper, more leftover soup. Do you think this liquid diet will cause me to use up a bit of the fat stores in my love handles, or is that just wishful thinking?

Peter left this morning and is probably already out of Georgia by now. The excruciating pain in (and subsequent removal of) my tooth put a bit of a damper on our weekend together, but it's okay. Because I will by flying home to see him in TWELVE DAYS!

Posted by jodi at 09:21 AM | Comments (11) | categories:  self portrait tuesday

November 28, 2005

something rotten in the state of Denmark

Today I had a wisdom tooth extracted. All four came in about ten years ago, and I mostly had room in my mouth for them; according to Peter that makes me some kind of evolutionary throwback (my word, not his). This one (top row, far right in the picture, the one that's only half there) was kind of falling apart, though, so out she goes. I would have had them all out but my insurance will only cover removing "impacted" wisdom teeth and not "erupted" ones, which really just means that they've moved into place alongside my regular teeth and broken through the gum and are acting as functioning teeth just like all the others, but has a delightfully violent sound, like four tiny Mt. St. Helenses inside my mouth.

For those who asked, more on the Bauhaus show: AMAZING. Musically they were in top form. The venue was tiny, and the crowd pretty polite, so we were able to get right up front maybe three or four people deep away from the stage. Bob and Sandy seemed a little disappointed at the stage presence, but really I don't think I would have been very happy if the band had been jumping around and having a good time. There were moments when David J. would stand completely motionless except for his fingers, and it was perfect. Peter Murphy would let his hand holding the microphone drop to his side and stand back, looking from side to side at the others with a bored expression, and the perfect amount of aloofness and disdain.

On the way in I saw an old guy in some kind of boy scout uniform walking down the sidewalk and joked that he must be going where we were going (because he was the only person on the street near the venue that wasn't all gothed up). Near the end of the show he suddenly appeared behind me, and every time I tried to move away from him he would move closer, until he was brushing against me a little. Totally creepy. But hey, I was right!

I'm going to go suck on a wet teabag now. Send pudding!

Posted by jodi at 05:43 PM | Comments (12) | categories:  self-absorbtion

November 26, 2005

Studio Saturday: temporarily out of service

Due to camera difficulties and long-weekend laziness. Studio Saturday will return in its regularly scheduled time slot next week.

In the meantime, here are some photos from the Bauhaus show at Tabernacle in Atlanta on Thursday night, where thankfully the camera was still working for us.

You can see more photos from the show on my flickr page.

Posted by jodi at 03:55 PM | Comments (6) | categories:  general

November 23, 2005

At long last, my boobs have a holder

Boobholder redux is finally finished. I had to rip and reknit the bottom part several times, making it tighter each time in order to eke out enough yarn to get it long enough. It's now perfect - a tad bit tight but I think that unlike last spring, the blocking will cause it to stretch out just enough to fit perfectly, rather than growing so big that my (little) boobs swim around.

Too bad it's too cold for cap sleeves right now.

Specs: pattern from Glampyre; I modified the sleeves by not making them puffy; yarn is 100% merino, recycled of course, and dyed orange by me. This is the same yarn I made the Clapotis with, just dyed a different colour. Pretty good haul for a two dollar secondhand sweater, eh?

You probably won't hear too much from me over the weekend, and here's why:

My beloved is here.

Tomorrow we're having Thanksgiving dinner (November seems like such a stupid time to have Thanksgiving. . . ) at Hockey Mom's, then we're all going to see Bauhaus in Atlanta (yes, Peter and I are now at that age where we've become a "music of your life" target market. Bauhaus and Gang of Four and other such groups all touring at once, it's like a Gen-X Big Chill, isn't it?). I do plan on doing some work in the studio while Pete's here, but if you don't see any new studio pictures on Saturday then we probably decided to spend the whole day in bed instead. Y'all can deal with that, right?

Posted by jodi at 09:14 PM | Comments (11) | categories:  sticks and string

November 22, 2005

Self portrait tuesday - waiting

One more sleep, and I will no longer be (unsuccessfully) trying to warm this bed by myself.

Posted by jodi at 09:00 AM | Comments (4) | categories:  self portrait tuesday

November 19, 2005

Studio Saturday: getting it done (finally)

I spent the week printing the woodcut chatter block, and have decided that what I need to do for now is print this block on everything I own, including the large woodcut self-portrait. I need to build up a relationship with all of this clean, new paper, and the best way to do that is to start putting down layers of ink on it and waiting for them to build up into something I can work with. Here's some of what I've done so far:

So far this has litho (the Green Lady image in orange and red), linocut (black), a solid layer of white ink, more linocut (yellow) and a layer of woodcut chatter in orange.

This one is pretty much obliterated, but it'll make a great surface to start something new on. It starts with the Green Lady image in purple, then a layer of solid red, a layer of solid white, a layer of knitted fabric in green, a layer of my messed-up litho (of my belly and lace underpants) in green, a layer of woodcut chatter in green and a layer of woodcut chatter in brown.

The messed-up litho in dirt red, a layer of woodcut chatter in blue and a layer of woodcut chatter in green. Once the woodcut lines are layered in opposite directions, a really nice surface starts to happen.

Most of my prints are smaller than the printing matrix, and instead of using waste paper to blot the extra ink I use prints. Thus there are a lot that look like this, with strips of pattern over part of the image. I mostly used the 20 sheets of extra prints from the large woodcut image to do this. I've also been blotting with the 200 strips of paper (4 to 6 inches wide) that were left over when I tore the sheets to size for the big woodcut, and those will all get sewn together later and then printed on some more. By next week I'll probably have some of those to show.

Chatter in brown on top of a proof from my big sintra plate (the one with the dangling legs).

Chatter in blue (border only) and dark green (all over) on top of a panel of one of those two drawings of legs with the sintra plate printed on top of it.

I rearranged my studio furniture this week, moving the large drawing table from the side wall to the back under the shelves, and the two little drawer units fit nicely right beside it. This has opened up a lot of space, making it feel a lot less cramped. Also I won't have to stand on the table anymore to pin things on the wall. I will, however, have to stand on the table to reach the higher shelves.

I've also done some furniture rearranging in the Shack in order to make my bedroom double as a drawing studio. First I moved the bed and tables around so that the large wall that runs between the kitchen and bedroom is empty, and now I can staple paper up there to draw on. I haven't really been using the large living room area very much because I still don't have any living room-type furniture, so really I've only been going in that room to sew or to lay things out on the floor. Because my computer set-up is in the bedroom I've been spending most of my time in there, working on things that I can do in front of the computer, and the other night I found myself sitting on the bedroom floor weaving strips of paper together instead of doing it comfortably on the big work table in the other room. So I've moved the computer and its table into the living room as well, making an L-shaped work space out of the large work table and the computer table. This also means that there's now a second big wall empty in the bedroom, so now I'll have room to work on up to four drawings at once. Yaay! Pictures of my fabulous new bedroom/studio next week, once I've got some drawings started.

Today is the last home football game of the season, which means the last Saturday I'll be stuck working at home rather than fighting my way through the crowds of drunken tailgaters to get to the studio. This is what I'm working on at home today:

Posted by jodi at 01:27 PM | Comments (4) | categories:  art stuff : in the studio

November 18, 2005

I don't have anything interesting to say, so instead let me show you what I bought

Hunters and Collectors, godspeed you! black emperor and the Cramps. It's money I can ill afford this month, but well worth it, and who needs groceries anyway? I hadn't heard this Hunters and Collectors record before, and it's different from the ones I have, more. . . produced. And with backup singers. Weird.

I only stopped in at Wuxtry because I had 20 minutes to wait for the bus. When I found three things to buy in less than five minutes I knew I had to get the hell out of there. This is why I don't go there every week; I'd be safer from temptation in a yarn store.

Posted by jodi at 07:48 PM | Comments (5) | categories:  general

November 17, 2005

Everybody say it with me, just like Pingu: Wah-wah.

My biological calendar is all messed up. My body wants it to be cold outside, and this warm, lovely weather is wearing on me. I know I shouldn't complain, and I'll admit I did some bitching during that cold snap in October. But I was just so freaked out then by how much my little Shack holds in the cold even after it's warmed up outside. Since then it has been beautiful, cool in the mornings and fairly hot in the afternoons, and sunny. I just don't know how to handle this, I keep telling myself it's November and putting on too many layers of clothing, then shedding them later. I really just want the November I'm used to.

Yesterday it rained (but was still too warm for a sweater), and last night it finally got cold. This morning when I woke up it was 2 Celcius outside, and couldn't have been more than 12 inside the Shack. It feels good now, to be cold. I want it to stay like this.

They tell me it won't likely snow here, and I'm a little surprised at how terrible that makes me feel. I want the sky to be grey and stormy, I want the wind to tear at my clothes, I want the geese to fly over. I want to wear my hat.

Posted by jodi at 09:55 AM | Comments (8) | categories:  self-absorbtion

November 16, 2005

Posts like this bore my poor boyfriend to tears.

Here are some things that I'm knitting right now (please remember that I live in a dingy shack in the trees, and excuse the piss-poor lighting):

First up, the long-suffering Glampyre boobholder. This is the same one I finished months ago, which fit perfectly until after I blocked it. I barely have enough yarn, so right now I'm knitting and unraveling and knitting and unraveling and knitting, trying to get it as long as I can with the yarn I have. This will be the last time, I think. Of course now that I've said that I'm sure to mess up again; the knitting gods don't take well to hubris.

This is boobholder #2, which will have longer sleeves. I haven't decided yet, but I'm thinking perhaps they will stop just above the elbow. I've used a yarn over increase for the raglan shaping (the same as the one above), and added a vertical line of yarn overs down the sleeve to match:

The colours are more accurate in the detail picture; it's a recycled lambswool with three plies, one brown, one pale blue and one dark blue. This is my current bus knitting and is probably about a week and a half from completion if I only knit on the bus. Maybe longer, though, because I really want to walk to campus more often instead.

Here's yet another top-down raglan cardigan, this one loosely based on Laura's pattern in Take Back the Knit 2. I say loosely because I started with the same number of cast on stitches, but haven't looked at the pattern since because the zine got buried under the crap on my kitchen table. I'll probably add a hood, and switch to some other colour for the bottom half, since I'm likely going to run out of green. It's another recycled lambswool. Just in case you were thinking for a minute that I might have actually bought yarn, or something. As if.

This is something I'm test knitting for Amy. I have to finish this up over the weekend in order to give any sort of useful feedback in time. It's a mix of Noro Kureyon, leftover Lamb's Pride Worsted from the kitty hat, a bit of the green lambswool from the cardigan above, and some other odds.

This is the left front of another cardigan, and it's reminding me why I don't make sweaters from Vogue Knitting anymore. I found three miscrossed cables in the chart for the large cable pattern. Argh! Because of ripping out and fixing fucked-up cable crosses, I've got a whopping five inches done on this. But that's okay, because I've promised Hockey Mom that I won't work another stitch on this until I'm finished the Must Have Cardigan:

This is the second sleeve, half finished. After that all I have to do is decide, buttons or zipper? and finish it. I've decided not to bother going back and fixing the cable I miscrossed in the braid, way down near the four inch mark on the left front. Nobody will ever notice it, and I solemnly swear that I will refrain from pointing it out to every single person who compliments me on my sweater.

When the time comes I'll have to get you guys to help me decide on the buttons v. zipper thing. I would put a zipper in everything if I could, but I've got these sweet little vintage wooden buttons cut in a pinwheel pattern that would just rock this sweater. I'm worried, though, that it'll be too tight and I fear the gapey-holes over my paunch more than I fear death itself. So we'll have to have a little try-on after I block her as fiercely as I can, and then you guys will have to be totally honest with me about my gut, mmmkay?

One more promise: after these things are done, I won't knit anything else orange for a while. All my t-shirts are green or red or brown, for crying out loud; I have no idea what I'm going to wear all this orange with as it is.

Posted by jodi at 09:50 PM | Comments (8) | categories:  sticks and string

November 15, 2005

Self portrait tuesday - slutty

The photo is by Peter Zimmerman. Because I'm not only slutty, but lazy as well.

Posted by jodi at 08:44 AM | Comments (9) | categories:  self portrait tuesday

November 12, 2005

Big news for big girls

Big Girl Knits will be available on April 18, 2006. It's available to pre-order from Amazon, of course, but there's plenty of time to pester your local independantly-owned bookstore or yarn store to order it. And I have a pattern in there! So, does anybody know whose design that is on the cover? I love it.

Also, today is Neil Young's 60th birthday. And I'm feeling a little pissy that all my Neil Young records are eight hundred miles away, even if I did have a solid enough floor in this stupid shaky Shack to use my record player. And my cds are at the studio, which I can't get to today because of the Georgia Bulldogs and their stupid drunken tailgating fans. Fortunately I can at least listen to his two latest records on his website (psst. . . Pete, you can buy Prairie Wind on vinyl). Thanks Neil, and happy birthday. And the Nobel Prize for Rock and Roll is totally yours.

Posted by jodi at 05:21 PM | Comments (12) | categories:  sticks and string : true patriot love

Studio Saturday: cover up

I'm not finished cutting this piece of wood yet but since the cut area is bigger than my paper now I went ahead and started printing it.

Here's what it looks like on white paper. I find it really hard to print on fresh, blank paper, so it helps to lay down a layer of colour or pattern first and then work on top of that.

It's also handy for covering up ugly, messed-up lithos. Now I can work on these without that horrible mess staring me in the face.

I put it on some of the discarded prints from the first panel of the big woodcut self portrait.

Here's a close up of the texture on the block, after printing.

And while I feel like I'm not getting any work done, I must be doing something because my apron is filthy.

Posted by jodi at 10:05 AM | Comments (1) | categories:  in the studio

November 11, 2005

Remember

Dulce Et Decorum Est

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of disappointed shells that dropped behind.

GAS! Gas! Quick, boys!-- An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And floundering like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

-Wilfred Owen (1893-1918)

Now go read this, and this, and this. And ask yourself is setting aside this day for remembering is nothing but an empty gesture, something we do merely because we learned to do it in school. A moment of silence at 11:11 am, then back to the business of making war.

Posted by jodi at 11:11 AM | Comments (1) | categories:  general

November 10, 2005

Are those real?

I went with some of my school chums to a swanky reception last night, looking like a complete bum in my school clothes with my chubby knees showing.

A very charming, and very ageing, southern belle came over to me and said, "can I ask you a question? We're having a contest over there about your leg". "You're having a contest about my leg?" I said, just like the straight man in a lame comedy routine. They were debating whether my tattoo was real, and the lady who approached me was the one who was arguing for the "yes" side. There wasn't actually any money involved, so I didn't end up getting my cut.

She told me that she had been in Key West and had gone to a place that sold temporary tattoos, and that she had wanted to get one on her biceps so she could wear her short sleeves and shock everyone by being a "tattooed old lady". In the end she chickened out because she was afraid they would trick her and the tattoo would end up being a real one, and never come off.

See? Having visible tattoos is your in to every single crowd; not just hipsters and bikers and the guys who hang around beside the beer store looking for change, but the wealthy philanthropist crowd too. Who knew?

Posted by jodi at 09:18 AM | Comments (8) | categories:  self-absorbtion

November 09, 2005

Keep a positive mental attitude

Okay, I was going to 'fess up to y'all today that yesterday's yearbook picture was a fake, that the photo of me was taken in June just two days before this photo, and that in 1976 I was only four years old. But then this morning I got this spam blog comment telling me all about what happens in my testes and prostate gland when I masturbate, and now I'm all confused. Maybe I really was kicked off the Reach for the Top team for smoking on school property, and my memory of being hauled out of home ec. class for the same offence is a false one? Because that boy in the yearbook picture didn't really look like the kind of boy who would take home ec. with a bunch of girls, he looked more like the type who'd be in the War Games Club. Or maybe the Rocket Club, those were the real dorks.

So according to my most thoughtful spam commenter, who clearly is deeply concerned for my spiritual well-being, here are some steps I can take to overcome temptation:
-sleep with a book of Mormon in my hand
-never, ever be alone. ever.
-imagine myself masturbating in a tub of worms and also eating them (yeah, that one always works for me)
-tie my hand to the bed frame (I don't know about anyone else, but that doesn't tend to get me LESS excited, if you know what I mean)
-if reading scripture or the Book of Mormon doesn't put me to sleep, I can try reading "How to win friends and influence people"
-snack in the middle of the night instead of masturbating, and don't worry about gaining weight (does this mean that masturbating can help me lose weight? because it hasn't been working thus far)

Just for kicks, here's the spam in its entirety. Please be advised that the opinions expressed in the following passage do not reflect the opinions of jodi's weblog or www.jodigreen.ca, and in fact we here at jodi's weblog think you should masturbate as much as possible, whenever the fancy takes you, alone or with friends, without worrying about whether or not you will lose or gain weight as a result. Make every day a Black Day!

~~Steps in Overcoming Masturbation~~ By Mark E. Petersen, Council of the 12 Apostles

Be assured that you can be cured of your difficulty. Many have been, both male and female, and you can be also if you determine that it must be so. This determination is the first step. That is where we begin. You must decide that you will end this practice, and when you make that decision, the problem will be greatly reduced at once. But it must be more than a hope or a wish, more than knowing that it is good for you. It must be actually a DECISION. If you truly make up your mind that you will be cured, then you will have the strength to resist any tendencies which you may have and any temptations which may come to you. After you have made this decision, then observe the following specific guidelines:

A Guide to Self-Control:
Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind. The problem must be taken OUT OF YOUR MIND for that is where it really exists. Your mind must be on other and more wholesome things.
When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes — just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part, dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK, even if it is in the middle of the night, and even if you are not hungry, and despite your fears of gaining weight. The purpose behind this suggestion is that you GET YOUR MIND ON SOMETHING ELSE. You are the subject of your thoughts, so to speak.
Never read pornographic material. Never read about your problem. Keep it out of mind. Remember — "First a thought, then an act." The thought pattern must be changed. You must not allow this problem to remain in your mind. When you accomplish that, you soon will be free of the act.
Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books — Church books — Scriptures — Sermons of the Brethern [sic, Cistern too?]. Make a daily habit of reading at least one chapter of Scripture, preferably from one of the four Gospels in the New Testament, or the Book of Mormon. The four Gospels — Matthew, Mark, Luke and John — above anything else in the Bible can be helpful because of their uplifting qualities.
Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever. Pray for faith, pray for understanding of the Scriptures, pray for the Missionaries, the General Authorities, your friends, your families, BUT KEEP THE PROBLEM OUT OF YOUR MIND BY NOT MENTIONING IT EVER — NOT IN CONVERSATION WITH OTHERS, NOT IN YOUR PRAYERS. KEEP IT OUT of your mind! The attitude of a person toward his problem has an affect [sic] on how easy it is to overcome. It is essential that a firm commitment be made to control the habit. As a person understands his reasons for the behavior, and is sensitive to the conditions or situations that may trigger a desire for the act, he develops the power to control it. We are taught that our bodies are temples of God, and are to be clean so that the Holy Ghost may dwell within us. Masturbation is a sinful habit that robs one of the Spirit and creates guilt and emotional stress. It is not physically harmful unless practiced in the extreme. It is a habit that is totally self-centered, and secretive, and in no way expresses the proper use of the procreative power given to man to fulfill eternal purposes. It therefore separates a person from God and defeats the gospel plan. This self-gratifying activity will cause one to lose his self-respect testimony becomes weak, and missionary work and other Church callings become burdensome, offerings. To help in planning an effective program to overcome the problem a brief orientation is given of how the reproductive organs in a young man function. The testes in your body are continually producing hundreds of millions the vas deferens to a place called the ampulla where they are mixed with fluids from two membranous pouches called seminal vesicles and the prostate gland. It is normal for the vesicles to be emptied occasionally at night during the emptying of come from the central nervous system. Often an erotic dream is experienced at the same time, and is a part of this normal process. Instead ourse, the reproductive system is operating at a more rapid pace, trying to keep up with the loss of semen. When he stops the habit, the body will continue to produce at his increased rate. As one meets with his Priesthood Leader, a program for overcoming masturbation can be implemented using some of t Remember it is essential that a regular report program be agreed on, so progress can be recognized and failures understood and eliminated.

Suggestions
Pray daily, ask for the gifts of the Spirit, that which will strengthen you against temptation. Pray fervently and not lout when the temptations are the strongest.
Follow a program of vigorous daily exercise. The exercises reduce emotional tension and depression and are absolutely basic to the solution of this problem. Double your physical activity when you feel stress increasing.
When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "STOP" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn. It is important to turn your thoughts away from the selfish need to indulge.
Set goals of abstinence, begin with a day, then a week, month, year and finally commit to never doing it again. Until you commit yourself to "never again" you will always be open to temptation.
Change in behavior and attitude is most easily achieved through a changed self-image. Spend time every day imagining yourself strong and in control, easily overcoming tempting situations.
Begin to work daily on a self-improvement program. Relate this plan to improving your Church service, to improving your relationships with your family, God and others. Strive to enhance your strengths and talents.
Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.
Be aware of situations that depress you or that cause you to feel lonely, bored, frustrated or discouraged. These emotional states can trigger the desire to masturbate as a way of escape. Plan in advance to counter these low periods through various activities, such as reading a book, visiting a friend, doing something athletic, etc.
Make a pocket calendar for a month on a small card. Carry it with you, but show it to no one. If you have a lapse of self control, color the day black. Your goal will be to have "no black days". The calendar becomes a strong visual reminder of self control and should be looked at when you are tempted to add another black day. Keep your calendar up until you have at least three clear months.
A careful study will indicate you have had the problem at certain times and under certain conditions. Try and recall, in detail, what your particular times and conditions were. Now that you understand how it happens, plan to break the pattern through counter activities.
In the field of psychotherapy there is a very effective technique called "aversion therapy". When we associate or think of something very distasteful with something which has been pleasurable, but undesirable, the distasteful thought and feeling will begin to cancel out that which was pleasurable. If you associate something very distasteful with your loss of self-control it will help you to stop the act. For example, if you are tempted to masturbate, think of having to bathe in a tub of worms, and eat several of them as you do the act.
During your toileting and shower activities leave the bathroom door or shower curtain partly open, to discourage being alone in total privacy. Take cool brief showers.
Arise immediately in the mornings. Do not lie in bed awake, no matter what time of day it is. Get up and do something. Start each day with an enthusiastic activity.
Keep your bladder empty. Refrain from drinking large amounts of fluids before retiring.
Reduce the amount of spices and condiments in your food. Eat as lightly as possible at night.
Wear pajamas that are difficult to open, yet loose and not binding.
Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
Set up a reward system for your successes. It does not have to be a big reward. A quarter in a receptacle each time you overcome or reach a goal. Spend it on something which delights you and will be a continuing reminder of your progress.
Do not let yourself return to any past habit or attitude patterns which were part of your problem. "Satan Never Gives Up". Be calmly and confidently on guard. Keep a positive mental attitude. You can win this fight! The joy and strength you will feel when you do will give your whole life a radiant and spiritual glow of satisfaction and fulfillment.

Posted by jodi at 09:42 AM | Comments (21) | categories:  dumbass

November 08, 2005

Self portrait tuesday - the boy who got kicked off the Reach for the Top team for smoking on school property

Posted by jodi at 08:45 AM | Comments (10) | categories:  self portrait tuesday

November 07, 2005

How to tell if somebody is an asshole (in case they aren't wearing a sign that says "asshole")

Overheard on the North/South bus this afternoon:

Guy #1: (shouts to guy #2 who is boarding the bus) Hey C___! Come here, I want to show you something. Look at that guy, the one with the headband (points to a guy on the sidewalk who is wearing a headband and a very sweaty t-shirt and is carrying a squash racquet).

Guy #2: (sits down and looks out the window) Why would anybody wear that?

Obviously to keep sweat out of one's eyes while playing squash is not a good enough reason.

Guy #1: That headband is like an asshole marker. When somebody wears something like that, you can tell right away they are an asshole. They don't even have to wear a sign or anything.

Guy #2: Yeah. Tell me about it.

So, what kind of marker is it when you sit on the bus and shit-talk someone for having the nerve to wear sports attire to play sports? Because I don't think these two guys were wearing any kind of signs.

Posted by jodi at 04:02 PM | Comments (2) | categories:  athens : dumbass

November 06, 2005

a story

This is the sort of fascinating conversation you can hear while standing around on UGA campus on a September afternoon. That's right, I overheard this conversation back in September and couldn't get arsed to tell y'all about it, but suddenly felt the need to tell it now. Clearly I need some kind of, you know, life. Or something.

So. Standing at the bus stop across from the student centre in the blasting heat, and two silly girls come and take up positions perilously close to my own personal space, on account of I'm standing in the only square foot of shade and it's a hundred and fifty degrees outside.

Silly Girl #1: It's soooo hot.
Silly Girl #2: Oh yeah, it's soooo sooooooo hot. And, there's no shade! (Silly Girl #2 is very observant)
SG #1: They should have left some big oak trees in when they built that bus stop.
SG #2: Oh, there used to be trees?
SG #1: I don't know. But if there were, they should have left some.
SG #2: Yeah! Or they should have put in a big fan or something.

Because if they were going to take out all the trees (which may or may not have been there) the least they could have done was put in a giant fan. Outside, blowing on the bus stop. I mean, come on. That's just so practical, after all.

SG #1 was trying to get downtown, and SG #2 advised her to get on the North/South bus. Fifteen minutes later the bus comes around again and off steps SG #1, walking back over to SG #2 and saying, "that bus doesn't go downtown!". Because it turns and doubles back a block from Broad Street, so to get downtown you would actually have to get off and walk a block. Instead, she stayed on the bus and came all the way back around. The saddest part is, the bus went near downtown, then came back past here in the other direction, but she stayed on for the whole circiut and went past us twice.

Then SG #1 says: All I want is to get a coffee! (giggle)
SG #2: There's a coffeeshop in the student centre.
SG #1: Yeah, but I want Starbucks!

People. The Starbucks is a FIVE MINUTE WALK from where we are standing. And she continued to stand there, waiting for a bus downtown.

Posted by jodi at 10:04 PM | Comments (8) | categories:  athens : dumbass

There may or may not have been some sexy pillowfighting going on at our slumber party last night. But there aren't any pictures. Sorry.

We had fun though. And ate so much food that I don't have to eat again for a few days. Rebecca is just as fun (and funny) in real life as she is on her blog, and we all sat around kvetching like a bunch of old ladies. If old ladies swear like sailors and drink like. . . sailors?

(that's a fuzzy foot on Sandy's head. I was thinking about making those too, since my Shack is so cold, but I don't know if I could get my head around making a sock that you could fit both of my fat cats into. It just seems like so much work).

Instead of knitting, I brought a backpack full of skeins to wind into centre-pull balls with Sandy's swift and winder, because I don't have a ball winder of my own *cough* - birthday coming up - *ahem*.

We had some minor equipment malfunctions and some fairly major tangles

but after an hour or two of drinking Guinness and swearing at the swift, I had this.

Aren't they pretty?

I also used my evil powers of persuasion to bully Sandy into making two ipod socks instead of seaming up Banff. Because she's on some kind of finishing kick, while I'm hoping that I can get rid of my startitis by passing it on to someone else. It's not working.

Peter will roll his eyes when he hears this

This post by Suzen today makes me homesick for Canada. How I'd love to be sitting by my dining room window back home right now, sipping my Irish Breakfast tea and watching the winter begin. Instead, here where I am, the leaves have barely begun to turn colour and people are still out doing yard work in tank tops. I am so ready to go home.

I'll crack one more bottle of Guinness tonight in honour of Alois Senefelder's 234th birthday, which is today. Honestly, he doesn't look a day over two hundred.

Posted by jodi at 04:33 PM | Comments (2) | categories:  general

November 05, 2005

Trinkets

Remember all those little shrink plastic doohickeys I made back in the summer? I finally got arsed to make some of them into bracelets.

Here's one in action, to get a sense of the size.

These will be for sale in my shop soon, along with some other stuff. Just as soon as we get a template for that shop page ready.

Tonight: off to Stone Mountain for a girls-only sleepover with Hockey Mom and itgirl. We're going to wear pyjamas, and do each other's hair and makeup, and cry about boys and sing a song about Sandra Dee and have a sexy pillowfight and make smores. And maybe have a slumber party massacre, or something. Either that or we'll just knit and drink a lot.

Posted by jodi at 03:43 PM | Comments (6) | categories:  projects

Studio Saturday: slump

Here's the first colour all put together. I know I look really bitchy, but that will change. I promise the next time I show a picture of this there will actually have been some change to it. I used a crappy rough plywood for this image because I wanted the woodgrain to show, but now that I've printed one colour of all four panels, I'm sick of looking at that texture. I'm going to get some more, better quality wood, and make some other blocks to print with this, to shake up that surface texture a little.

I'm in a bit of a slump right now, and don't really feel like I'm producing much. This often happens to me in the fall for some reason, and I know I just have to work through it. This time last year I was productive because I had to be, because I had a big deadline to meet and also because I had been working on some things for a long time and they were all coming together. Now. . . I'm drifting, a bit. But I think the solution is just to keep plugging away and not worry about it too much (easier said than done, of course), work intuitively and let it happen.

Here's a wood block I've been carving away at, putting down an all-over texture of short lines to mimic the chatter that forms in a large cleared-out area of a relief print. I'm going to use it just as a layer of texture in between other press runs and underneath things. I had to stop working on it for about a week and a half to let my blister heal, then the other day I carved on it again for about half an hour and the skin where the blister had been started getting all loose again. So this may take a while. I probably need to sharpen my tools.

Posted by jodi at 09:35 AM | Comments (1) | categories:  in the studio

November 04, 2005

Sorry for inconvenience

Until you people learn some respect, you're going to have to pay for any air you consume while in this store. Sorry about that.

I've been collecting found drawings and letters for years; you can see pictures of some of them on my flickr page.

Thanks for all of the compliments on Durrow. It appears from the comments that the ladies really dig Josh; I'm sorry to have to break it to y'all that he's taken. I also apologize for the cable charts not being up on the pattern page yet; I don't know what's happening with that but I'm sure they'll get it ironed out soon. In the meantime, I can send the charts to anyone who needs them, just e-mail me.

Posted by jodi at 07:46 PM | Comments (3) | categories:  dumbass : knit design

November 01, 2005

Self portrait tuesday - stockings

Posted by jodi at 09:21 AM | Comments (7) | categories:  self portrait tuesday