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June 28, 2006
A drunken frat boy frenzy
It's party time in our backyard right now, and I'm almost afraid to go out there. Even the Old Kitty, who's been around the block a number of times and knows how to fend for himself, didn't show up today for his (now pretty much daily) snack at my back door, preferring to hide out somewhere quieter until the party animals sate themselves and depart the premises. The mulberries in our tree have ripened, and all of the birds and squirrels from miles around are rolling around and squabbling and falling out of trees in gluttonous delerium, and the whole place stinks like a distillery (and no, it's not the distillery up the block I'm smelling. I know the difference).
This afternoon I was standing at the kitchen door, watching the revellers bouncing in and out of our lilies and yarrow, tossing fermenting berries to their buddies amid a good old-fashioned pub singalong (knees up knees up never get the breeze up. . . ) when I noticed a sparrow perched atop one of our two tomato plants, chirping away. Oh good, I thought, I guess that plant's going to live if it can hold his weight like that (the tomatoes have had it rough so far and last week I thought they were goners). Then the little fucker lowered his head and started merrily pecking at the plant. Hey! I shouted and flung the door open, stamping out onto the porch and sending the party flurrying up to the trees and wires (flinging drunken insults behind them). I examined my little tomato plant to find that all of the feeble little blossoms I'd only noticed yesterday had been et. I stood impotent, glaring up into the mulberry branches and muttering, "fucker. . . fucker" (why do we use this as an insult when it's something we all so love to do?). And thinking, maybe Peter's right, we need to cut that damned tree down.
Here's something to make me feel better. The hollyhocks have completely overtaken the area between the deck and the sidewalk, so much so that we now have to lift them out of our way and duck under them to get to the car and back. From behind here I can't even see the destruction that's going on in the rest of the yard.
Also: last day of school today for the neighbourhood kids. Which means I no longer have to listen to the lady from around the block who shouts her way up the side street twice a day and stands across from my house, waiting for the bus to first pick up and later drop off her oldest child, hoarsely bellowing at her kids the whole time like a trained seal who smokes too much. I am trying hard not to be a classist bitch about how crazy this young mother makes me, because I have talked to her on the bus before and I know that she's not very bright, and perhaps her kids are not either and won't have as many chances as other kids will have. But it will be lovely to sit on my porch at four o'clock tomorrow afternoon and not hear her.
Posted by jodi at June 28, 2006 04:39 PM | categories: dumbass
Comments
It's so nice to know what a small planet it is. 'The fuckers' - or at least their distant relatives - eat London mulberries too, in huge quantities. (AND we have hollyhocks..) I read once tho' about a man who didn't mind the birds eating all the berries on his trees as he saw it as payment for all the singing they do all year. I spose when the squirrels get together a full orchestra, then they can join in.
Posted by: Fi at June 28, 2006 06:29 PM
Today was the last day of school here too. I live less than 500 yards from both a high school and a middle school. The little buggers drop their frigging garbage all over the street and it blows into my yard. GAH! I LOSE my mind when I see garbage on my lawn.
Posted by: Steph VW at June 28, 2006 06:35 PM
My poor landlady has had a huge attachment to a mulberry tree in our backyard (we rent their basement, the yard is shared) and she and her husband went back and forth for six years about cutting the tree down. She wanted to have the animals well fed but he hated sweeping up the berries every year. Finally, just two weeks ago her husband saw the the tree would make them have to rebuild their fence just as the owners of the newly converted condo next door decided that the tree was mostly on their property and the bird droppings would be hazardous to the occupants cars parked in the back. Just two days after they told us about the decision to cut down the tree, it was gone. No more keggers in our back yard.
Posted by: Jenna at June 29, 2006 10:57 AM
i can relate to you yelling at the small mammals and birds and the lady yelling at her small mammals. i have stellars jays here that are a complete pain in the ass and like to pull out the seedlings in my very small garden and leave them there to die. i also have 3 boys that i don't have to get off to school in the morning all summer long.
i love hollyhocks, one of my favorite flowers.
Posted by: April at June 29, 2006 12:24 PM
I love the taste of mullberries, you'd probably be chasing me out of your backyard too if we were neighbors. I'd be very quiet though, I'm not into bellowing.
I was listening to a radio program recently and a farmer was talking about how they'd been told to plant mulberry trees because they would draw the birds away from their REAL cash fruitcrop, but it just drew more birds.
I'd love to have an acre or so of land with a mulberry tree in the corner; I'm not sure why anyone would plant one close to a house. Get 'em while they're small and cute...then they become tall and messy and you can't reach the fruit until it's too late and it's fallen all over rotten. Great for climbing.
Congrats on the pattern in IK!
Posted by: spaazlicious at July 9, 2006 11:10 AM
I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your Blogs. Along with all your other skills you have a real aptitude for writing. I didn't know you had a show in Leamington, was Mary Herold a local girl? I used to know a big Herold family, some of the older girls were my babysitters.
Posted by: Mikell at July 18, 2006 12:40 AM