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October 23, 2006
silent hands
Those of you who know me in real life will be surprised to hear that I have not worn any of my bracelets since July. For those of you who do not know me in real life: for more than ten years now I've worn a collection of silver (okay, silver-coloured mostly) bangles and black jelly bracelets on my left wrist that I never take off except to make paper, to make bread, or during those periods when I injured my wrist enough to need to wrap it up. And when I got this tattoo. I initially started wearing them because Peter has silver bangles on HIS left wrist, and I thought it was cool and the sound they made was beautiful and I wanted to be like him. Neither of us takes them off to sleep, and the soft tinkling as one or both of us flops over in the night is always a comfort: it's the sound of my body, and the sound of my beloved.
July was unbearably, gut-wrenchingly hot; having returned home from Georgia I should have been able to handle it, but we don't use air conditioning and there were nights where I thought that the solid mass of heat in our bedroom would press on my chest until it had stopped my breathing completely. When I was wiping the mixture of rust and sweat off my arm three times a day and finding a rash developing beneath, I realized that the bracelets had to go for a while. I'd intended to put them back on when the weather cooled off, but it didn't, and then I had to come back to Georgia and, well, it's Georgia. Too hot. For the first month I felt terribly off balance, like the left side of my body was too light, too flimsy. It's been four months and sometimes I still feel that way, especially when working with my hands, printing, knitting and sewing. And in bed, every time I roll over and that familiar sound isn't there.
So yesterday I put one of my bracelets back on. I'll add them slowly, just one or two a week, to give myself some time to get used to the feel again. I've started with the largest and heaviest bracelet I have: it's stainless steel and was made by a blacksmith I know, a child of the steppes who now lives in the hills of West Virginia, named Lucianne (pronounced "Le-Shawn"). She made two of them and I bought them right off her arm, one for me and one for Peter. Peter's is smaller and more delicate; mine is heavy and clunky. The "his" version, I suppose.
And just two short nights from now, Peter and I will be together again and I'll be comforted by the gentle clank of his arm in the night for a few precious sleeps.
I've cross posted this from my flickr page, because I'm a lazy slag that way.
Posted by jodi at October 23, 2006 09:03 PM | categories: self-absorbtion
Comments
Since high school I've been wearing some sort of black gummy/silver/stone bracelet combination on my wrists.. I feel rather naked without them. I love that silver bracelet.. its very beautiful.
Posted by: Mouse at October 23, 2006 10:02 PM
I always love the way you talk about Peter. There are only few people who are able to recognize love in such small things like a noise.
Posted by: ella at October 24, 2006 03:24 AM
That is one of the most lovely things I've ever read. You sentimental thing, you.
Posted by: NWJR at October 24, 2006 10:07 AM
well apparently i'm not the only one who loves how you write about the simple things in life, and about Peter...
Posted by: brenda in toronto at October 25, 2006 10:17 AM
Nice. This post is just very, very nice.
Posted by: alison at October 25, 2006 10:34 AM
My mom wore three thin gold bracelets on her right wrist, each of them signifying a special event in her and my dad's life.
They were my homing device - I always knew where she was from the sound of those bracelets chiming together. I used to play the piano in church and if I was "misbehaving" at the front of the church, I'd hear them jangle, and turn to see her giving me the "smarten the hell up" look (yes, I got that look in church).
She lost one - the one my dad had given her when I was born. She was devastated, and the bracelets never sounded quite the same again.
Posted by: Steph VW at October 25, 2006 02:22 PM
Lovely post. It can be so jarring, and so freeing, to periodically shed those physical markers you adopt.
Posted by: Mandy at October 26, 2006 04:22 AM