while it lacks the flair of what you'd wish you said, I actually rather like your real response; it doesn't exactly invite further discussion!

That would have been an excellent comeback.. unfortunately I have the feeling that you'd have to try to use little words and speak slowly so that he would be able to understand you. What a pinhead.

If you had said that with a Southern accent you would have sounded like Julia Sugarbaker (Designing Women).

I have been asked that by grody NYers in the subway. Since I am sweetness personified I usually answer "Of course, give me your phone # and we can talk." For some reason that seems to scare them.

This kind of line is way to common when knitting in public. Really. Do they think its a good pick-up line or something? I just don't understand. I think your other comeback would be awesome as he would have been puzzling out what the hell you said and exactly how you insulted him. Sadly, I am sure you will have another chance or 20 to use it.

I'm trying to think of a good intermediate response but the bullseye instructions are making my neurons hurt. Gzzzzzzahhh....

People always asks that question, but it never happen to me that a strager come to ask me!!
I don't know how i would react.

How about "Sure, 500 bucks and I'll throw in a personality change and manners lesson for free".

ROCK ON, sister!

My usual answer:

"You wish!" (as in, don't you wish I was.)

Or "Not today."

That said, while I understand your ire, these kinds of questions don't really bother me much. They're usually said by dumb clucks who think it's an amusing start to a conversation. Ha. Haha. Never, ever heard that conversational gambit before.

But it's also good as a moron-identifier. Once you've identified the moron, you can safely ignore him.

I'll think of something better to say next time ;)

I always offer to show them how to make their own.

Response: "Why, you gonna knit one for me?"

I just saw your cicada photo but those comments are closed. AWESOME photo! Majorly impressed.

Ugh, I get that all the time. My usual response is:

"No, but I can teach you how, if you would like to knit one for yourself."

Nah, you wouldn't have wanted to waste all them long words on such an iiiidiot, not to mention the breath with which to say them.

I was having going-away-drinks with a friend who happens to be a lesbian in a local sports bar, which redeems itself by having an excellent tap list. There was a guy sitting behind us, with his chair turned wrong way round so that we had an unobstructed view of the back of his t-shirt. It sported a graphic a'la street crossing signs showing two stick people, one obviously female since she had d'boobs, one male who was laying face down with his head in her crotch. The slogan read "certified muff diving instructor." He was quite at a loss for words when my butch friend asked him for a few pointers, off the clock.

Assholes indeed.

He would have heard the words "maybe" "intimate" and "woman". Everything else would get filtered out.

I'd always answered that question in extreme discomfort, laughing along, trying to pretend that it wasn't incredibly rude and then wishing after that I'd thought of something cutting that would point out all of the stereotypes and assumptions that went into their offhand comment, and then today...today I was in work-related seminar, and the instructor took a shine to my pretty red sweater. "OOooh, make me one!" And your post flashed before my eyes, and I looked up, smiled, and said, "Nope."
Most empowering answer ever...thank you!

that was funny!

*snert!* Good one, Dani!
eeeyup, Jodi, that kind of experience is right up there with aaaaaaaaaaall the times that people have commented to me while I'm in costume entertaining children; "Hey, are you just clowning around?"
It's not even worth saying "Oh! you're sooo original!"
I guess I'm glad that I'm not 'clowning around so much anymore...

My response would have been to waive a free needle over his head and say "poof, you're a sweater."

I just say I dont have time to knit all the projects Iam already committed to.Hugs Darcy