« On Crossing installation | Main | On Crossing at Windsor Printmaker’s Forum »
hot tip for all you sewers out there people who sew*
October 2, 2009
*edited because Norma didn’t like the thought that my luscious bare thighs might somehow be associated with giant pipes of human potty waste spewing into the river a few kilometres upstream from the city’s water intake. And come to think of it, neither do I.
I’ve been meaning to try this ever since I bought my serger in the spring, and the first really cold day of fall was all the kick in the pants I needed to get to it. See, I’ve got these chubby (but lovable!) thighs, and all-a-y’all chubby-thighed girls out there know what I’m talking about when I say that pantyhose crotches, by definition, oughta sit nice and close to my CROTCH and not way down between my knees or halfway down my thighs chafing my most delicate tender skin and why can’t they give me a break already and make the pantyhose leg-part actually STRETCHY enough to fit around a real life regular sized (in other words, WITH SOME FAT ON IT) thigh? And don’t believe those weight charts on the back of the package, either. I’m a totally bog-standard average 5-foot-four, 150 pounds, I buy the biggest, tallest pantyhose I can find, and the crotches of those pieces of shite still ride ever downward.
But NO MORE!
Y’all, this was like an epiphany when I figured out I could do it. See, I have a serger now! And that means I can do anything! So on the first cold morning of fall I dug out a pair of slightly-too-small warm knit tights and brazenly chopped the legs off with scissors, right below the oh-so-shifty “crotch”. Then I set up my serger for the stretchy stitch (”appropriate for swim suits and athletic wear”), and zip zip! (okay, 45 minutes of wrangling the 3-thread threading and rethreading and rethreading the lower looper thread and why does it keep breaking? and rethreading and this one thousand dollar machine is a piece of crap! and ohhhhh, no, it’s just me being stupid and rethreading one last time and then zip zip! Hey, cut me some slack, I’m still learning this machine).
And lookey here.
Now I have a brand new pair of cozy, warm, (covered in cat hair; whoops) totally stretchy and NOT FALLING DOWN stockings! And paired with this crazy lightweight polar fleece skirt I picked up recently, they kept me perfectly warm on a chilly fall day.
Now there is a big pile of pantyhose lying next to the serger, waiting to be transformed from frustrating to fabulous. I will never wear pantyhose again. Because, y’all, stopping to hike up your tights every 30 metres when you’re walking down the street isn’t sexy OR comfortable.
Posted by jodi on October 2, 2009 at 2.17pm
Categories: because the whole internet is dying to know what you're wearing, the devil's playthings
Comments on "hot tip for all you sewers out there people who sew*"
Not to mention that now they need to be worn with a garter.. which is oh so sexay! I was just thinking today how lovely a microfleece skirt would be.. too bad I can’t sew worth a damn.
Posted by Mouse on October 2, 2009 at 2.41pm :: link
Excellently cute and sexay. But I wish you would use the phrase “people who sew” instead of sewers. I truly read your title as, you know, the places where human waste goes before it is pumped into the lake. Or whatever. :)
Posted by Norma on October 3, 2009 at 2.57am :: link
Yes, “people who sew” is much nicer than “sewers”. They look great and sexy.
Posted by Kathode Ray Tube on October 3, 2009 at 1.22pm :: link
Tee hee! I love how saucy these look with the garter belt. Only you.
Welcome to the joys of owning a serger.
(btw, be careful always of pins. Those blades are muy expensivo to replace!)
Posted by Mary MacVoy on November 15, 2009 at 8.10pm :: link